Long John's: Amersfoort's BEST Pub & Hotel? (You Decide!)
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the potentially-amazing, maybe-disappointing world of Long John's: Amersfoort's BEST Pub & Hotel? (You Decide!) Let’s be honest, picking the "BEST" anything is a bold claim, and this review is going to walk the fine line between enthusiastic praise and brutally honest truth. And trust me, after the year-and-a-half we've all had, we need some truth.
First Impressions & Accessibility: Can a Pub Be a Hotel? And Can I Even GET In?
Right off the bat, the name… "Long John's"… it screams "pub" more than "hotel," doesn’t it? We're talking potentially late nights, spilled pints, and the lingering smell of… well, pub. And that, folks, is either a HUGE draw or a dealbreaker.
Let’s talk accessibility. This is critical. (Accessibility, Accessibility, Accessibility! Search Engine Optimization, baby!). The listing says "Facilities for disabled guests," which is a good start. But what does that mean? Wheelchair accessible? I’m hoping so, but I need more specifics. Is the front entrance ramped? Are there elevators or just stairs? They do have an elevator, which is HUGE! Are the rooms designed with mobility in mind (wider doorways, grab bars, etc.)? This needs clarification. I'll be digging for this during booking because this is essential. A hotel that isn’t truly accessible is a hotel that, frankly, isn’t for everyone. The Car park [free of charge] is fantastic for those driving. I need this! Parking in European cities is a nightmare. It is a must. Update needed!
Rooms: The Fortress of Solitude… Hopefully with a Comfy Bed
Okay, let's get granular. They list a WHOLE BUNCH of in-room amenities. Now, I'm a simple creature. I need a comfy bed, a clean bathroom, and decent Wi-Fi [free]. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! YES! Score one for Long John's! But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Is it actually good Wi-Fi? Because I’ve stayed in hotels where "free Wi-Fi" meant "dial-up from 1998.” Internet access – wireless is standard now, but I need it strong. Now it is possible to connect through the Internet access – LAN. Some of us enjoy Internet. What about Laptop workspace? This is good. I need the ability to work!
They also have Air conditioning. Hallelujah!! Air conditioning in public area as well. Other things in the rooms that I like? Additional toilet! A Bathtub! Bathrobes! Luxury! This indicates a better level hotel as compared to "budget" hotels. Blackout curtains are a LIFESAVER! Hair dryer? Essential. Safety/security feature? GOOD! Non-smoking rooms? Excellent! Interconnecting room(s) available gives me a smile. Soundproofing? Please, PLEASE let it be soundproof! Wake-up service? Helpful.
Now here’s where things get interesting. They list all these niceties, like Coffee/tea maker, Mini bar, and a Refrigerator. So, am I picturing a charming, well-appointed room? Or something a little… dated? It's the small touches that can make or break a stay. And let's be honest, a well-stocked mini-bar is a must in a crisis.
Food and Drink: Pub Grub and Beyond? (Or Just Pub Grub)
This is where Long John’s should shine. It’s a PUB! They better have a decent Bar. And more than decent. They better be slinging craft beers, local brews, and maybe even a killer cocktail. And a Poolside bar? Well, I am not sure if there is a pool, but that would be awesome.
The question is: Is there more than pub grub? They have a Restaurant, which is positive. Restaurants listed as well. A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant and Vegetarian restaurant are fantastic! Asian cuisine in restaurant is interesting. International cuisine in restaurant, let's see how the food is! Western cuisine in restaurant? That's expected.
Now, here's where my skepticism comes in. "Alternative meal arrangement"? Okay, is this a euphemism for "we'll make you a sandwich if you're really nice?" Or do they actually cater to dietary restrictions? A Breakfast [buffet] and Breakfast service are standard. But what about a good breakfast? Asian breakfast and Western breakfast would make me super happy.
They also mention a Coffee shop, Snack bar and Room service [24-hour]. 24-hour room service? Now we're talking! And a Bottle of water is a small touch, but appreciated. Desserts in restaurant are a plus.
Things to Do (or Not to Do) at Long John's and Amersfoort:
This is where I get a little bored, but also where Long John's can potentially surprise me. They list a lot of stuff, but let's break it down what they truly offer:
- Spa/sauna: Sauna, Steamroom, and Spa.
- Fitness center: Gym/fitness
- Swimming pool: Swimming pool [outdoor] and Pool with view
- Massage
- Body scrub, Body wrap
- Foot bath
If they have those things, it is an excellent feature! Amersfoort itself is a beautiful city. This is where Long John's needs to be a springboard for exploring.
Cleanliness & Safety: In the Age of Craziness…
They're ticking the right boxes here, which I LOVE to see. Anti-viral cleaning products? Good. Daily disinfection in common areas? Necessary! Individually-wrapped food options? Sensible. Physical distancing of at least 1 meter? Please, adhere! Professional-grade sanitizing services? Excellent. Rooms sanitized between stays? Wonderful. Staff trained in safety protocol? HUGE! Hand sanitizer? Of course! They also have Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items and Sterilizing equipment.
Services & Conveniences: The Little Things… That Matter
This is where a hotel can either impress or make you want to pull your hair out. They list a lot, but again, it depends on the quality.
- Air conditioning in public area: Good!
- Business facilities, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Seminars: Okay, potential for corporate events.
- Cash withdrawal: Necessary!
- Concierge: Helpful.
- Convenience store: Useful if you have forgotten something.
- Currency exchange: Helpful
- Daily housekeeping: Essential!
- Doorman: A nice touch.
- Dry cleaning, Ironing service, Laundry service: Excellent!
- Elevator: Excellent!
- Food delivery: Useful.
- Gift/souvenir shop: Interesting.
- Invoice provided: Important for business travelers.
- Luggage storage: Necessary.
- Safety deposit boxes: Smart.
- Smoking area: Okay, if it's discreet.
- Terrace: Please!
- Xerox/fax in business center: Still a thing?
For the Kids: Family-Friendly or Family-Hostile?
They list Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, and Kids meal. This could be a deal-breaker.
Getting Around: Transportation and Parking
They list Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, Airport transfer, and Bicycle parking. Valet parking? Luxury!
The Not-So-Sexy Stuff: The Fine Print (and Things I Want to KNOW!)
They list a bunch of features like Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Access, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Pets allowed unavailable, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms, Smoke detector. Good and necessary.
What they don’t mention? Do they have enough staff? One of my pet peeves is a hotel with too few staff members. The CCTV seems to be used for Security [24-hour].
**My Verdict (So Far…):
Edinburgh's BEST Kept Secret: Luxury Beaverhall Apartments!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's itinerary. We're doing Long John's in Amersfoort. Long John's. Just the name makes me want to chug a Guinness. Here we go… or, you know, attempt to go. God knows I'll probably get lost twenty times.
The Officially Unofficial Long John's & Amersfoort Debacle
Day 1: Arrival, Anxiety, and Ale
- 14:00 - 15:00: Getting There (ish)
- Initial Plan: Arrive at Schiphol Airport (AMS), trains to Amersfoort. Easy peasy.
- Reality: Landed. Jetlag hammering me like a blacksmith. Passport control… a soul-crushing queue. Found a train, eventually. Spent the entire journey mumbling to myself about the Dutch railway system feeling more complex than quantum physics. Also, I swear the woman next to me kept staring at my socks. They're not that offensive, are they?
- Emotional Reaction: Frustrated, anxious. Jet-lagged. Craving a damn pint. And maybe some decent socks.
- 15:00 - 16:00: Finding Long John's (the holy grail)
- Initial Plan: Consult Google Maps. Arrive. Beers commence.
- Reality: Google Maps. Bless its cotton socks. Got me… almost there. Wandered through cobblestone streets – beautiful but lethal for suitcase wheels. Got a little lost (shocking, I know). Asked a very patient Dutch woman for directions. She gave me a look that said, "You're clearly an idiot, but okay." Score!
- Quirky Observation: Amersfoort is ridiculously charming. It feels like stepping into a fairytale, if the fairytale involved slightly damp cobblestones and overly-friendly pigeons.
- 16:00 - 19:00: Long John's Immersion Therapy
- The Experience: Walked in. Ahhhhh… The smell. The glorious, yeasty, woody, vaguely-damp smell that only a proper pub can provide. Ordered a Guinness. (Duh.) Sat at the bar. Actually talked to the bartender, a burly, red-bearded dude who clearly knew his stuff. He seemed to know everyone and I immediately felt like an outsider, until he offered me a free shot of something brown and fiery that I’m pretty sure could strip paint. Absolutely amazing. And then, another pint. And another. Met some locals. Played some bar games. Listened to some loud music. The music was good too.
- Emotional Reaction: Utter bliss. Pure, unadulterated, pub-fueled happiness. The weariness of travel melted away. I'd made it. I survived. This is what life is about.
- The Downside: Started feeling a little too friendly with people after about pint number four. May have started warbling a drunk rendition of "Danny Boy." Pretty sure I offended a few people with my singing.
- 19:00 - 20:00: Food and Fumbling.
- Initial Plan: Eat something, anything.
- Reality: Ordered some kind of pub grub – burger, I think? Don't remember. The food was… food. Edible, at least. Stumbled back to the hotel (thank God it's right around the corner!) and… well, the rest is a blur of questionable choices and a vague memory of waking up at 3 am, convinced I was still in the pub and needed another pint.
- Imperfection: Completely forgot to write down what I ordered, or what the hotel room looked like. Oops.
- Opinionated Language: Should probably have gotten a water before bed. Definitely going to regret this in the morning.
Day 2: The Hangover, Humble Pie, and Canals
- 09:00 - 10:00: Wake Up and Regret (the official hangover time)
- Initial Plan: Up early. Fresh start. Exercise.
- Reality: Woke up. Head throbbing. Vision slightly fuzzy. Everything hurts. Contemplating the meaning of life, and whether coffee actually helps hangovers.
- Emotional Reaction: Absolute, undiluted, self-loathing.
- Messy Structure/Rambles: Maybe I should have drank less. Then again, what is life if not a series of mistakes? And besides, Long John's is that kind of pub. You give in. You embrace it. You wake up wondering how much damage you’ve done to your liver. The price of fun.
- 10:00 - 12:00: Attempting Culture
- Initial Plan: Wander around Amersfoort. See the sights. Be a tourist.
- Reality: Dragged myself out of bed. Headed out of the hotel, trying to remember how to walk. Walked. Wandered. Took in the St. George’s Church. The Koppelpoort. They were nice. I’m pretty sure the architecture was impressive, but mostly kept my head down in the hope that I’d not look like I’d been drinking for a week.
- Quirky Observation: Amersfoort is a lot prettier when your head isn’t pounding like a drum solo. The sun was nice. The canals, even better.
- 12:00 - 13:00: Humble Pie for Lunch
- Initial Plan: Find a nice cafe. Eat something healthy. Regain my dignity.
- Reality: Found a terrible cafe. The food wasn't good. They didn't want to know me. Felt the utter inadequacy of the modern world. Had a cheese sandwich and sulked.
- Emotional Reaction: Mildly disappointed. Feeling a little better, but still a long way from human.
- 13:00 - 17:00: The Canal Whisperers, and Redemption
- The Experience (doubling down): The canals. That’s it. Those beautiful, serene canals. The wind. The water. They almost made me forget everything wrong with my life. Sat on a tiny boat. Took one of those canal tours that you're supposed to do. Turns out, the guide was actually pretty good! Very good. Knew everything. Amersfoort's history, the hidden gems. The perfect way to spend an afternoon. Saw swans. Felt a small knot of happiness break open inside. I would almost say I found my "peace".
- Quirky Observation: The tour guide had a magnificent handlebar mustache. And he was wearing a beret. It was very… Dutch.
- Emotional Reaction: Actually felt… good. Really, genuinely good. The city, the canals, they had a kind of magic.
- 17:00 - ???: Long John's, Round Two (or probably more)
- Initial Plan: A quiet evening.
- Reality: Who am I kidding? Head back to Long John’s! Apparently, I decided that my first night was too subtle. Meet some new people. Hear new music. Might even learn how to play a pub game. And… maybe, just possibly, try not to make a complete idiot of myself this time around. (Or at least, try to minimise the damage.)
- Opinionated Language: Honestly, I can't wait. Best pub ever.
Day 3: Departure… or Maybe Not?
- ??? - ???: Unscheduled (or… delayed?)
- A Messy Ending: Who knows? Maybe I'll miss my flight. Maybe I'll move to Amersfoort. Maybe I'll accidentally become a regular at Long John's. The future remains… muddy.
- End Note: Seriously, go to Long John's. And be sure to tell the bartender (the one with the beard) that the incoherent yank from the states (that’s me) sends his regards. And maybe have an extra Guinness for me.
This, my friends, is the real travel experience. The good, the bad, and the gloriously boozy. Now, let's hope I make it home in one piece. Cheers!
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